噪音

網誌

樣子甜美又事業有成的中女好友終於蜜運了,聽說新男友是個收入比她相差一截的這邊廂恭喜完她,還未來得及說我最恭喜她終於能夠接受自己收入比男友多,那邊廂就聽到她跟我嘆道:「唉!但他沒錢呢!」

我立刻愣住了。「WHAT? 你不是接受了這一個事實才一起的嗎?」

她回答:「其實未能接受,不過他很有誠意,還跟我說他會為我努力… … 」(下刪她男友幾百字的承諾)

我,只能乖乖的聽。雙手蓋著嘴巴去聽。不讓自己講話。

不然呢?難道要我笑她傻女嗎?

我並非對浪漫愛情再沒憧憬,也並非小看那位男友。這些「我會為你而努力 」的承諾,10 多歲時,我會在沒有任何證據之下,不顧一切完全相信。20 多歲時,還會在半信半疑但意亂情迷之下,不置可否去相信。但 30 多歲,我不會再信。快 40 歲還要聽男人許下為我而努力的諾言,我沒興趣沒時間再浪漫幼稚無知盲目地等。

好,我認。我膚淺!我市儈!

但這也是現實。

沒法兌現的承諾是噪音!這個世界實在太多噪音,而我的耳朵亦早已經被弄到失聰。

還好我只是失聰,沒有影響我其他器官,所以我還有手有腳有腦袋。

唉!莫非 《Sex and the City》裡面 Charlotte 是對的嘛?

“Everyone needs a man. That’s why I rent. If you own and he still rents, then the power structure is all off. It’s emasculating. Men don’t want a woman who’s too self-sufficient.” ~ Charlotte

(人人都需要一個男人,所以我才租(房子)。如果你擁有(房子)但他還在租,那麼整個權力架構就不當。這是在削弱(他們的男子氣概),男人不會要一個太自給自足的女人啊!)

Well,if that is the case,我會選擇磚頭(房子)+ 一個有能力買房子的男人(有能力不一定是擁有房子啊!)By the way,我買的房子可以放租,不是嗎?

這也是現實。

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There are 9 comments

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  1. Ar fei

    我是男人, 我也承諾過做不到的事, 我想兌現, 我該如何做??
    我欠缺什麼?? 我找不到兌現的力量
    我該如何維持??

    承諾是以什麼來支撐??

  2. deedee

    A relationship, should be bi-directional. Not just a man promise a woman something, and the lady just on the receiving side. It is unrealistic to say grand things like ‘ I promise to be a VP next year, or, promise to have enough down payment for a 1000 sq ft apartment…’ I think a more reasonable promise is ‘ I will do my best at my job, at saving money, my target is xxx … ‘, keep the communication channel open during the whole time. If you think ‘doing the best from where ever you are and eventually arriving at a better position’ is not acceptable, do not stay in the relationship and then blame the other party. Besides, must a lady ‘marry up’ to a man??? Just a question.

  3. TW

    我身邊很多女性朋友包括自己收入都比另一半高,又不大問題喎。我覺最緊要大家維持到同一生活水平就冇問題,例如搵十萬vs二十萬。但如要就另一半降低生活水平就難dd, 例如搵二萬vs四萬。

  4. winnieleung

    deedee: totally with you about promise and receiving, man or woman. great point! about ‘marry up’ to a man, it really depends what that person is looking for or can live with. it’s like asking must a lady find a guy taller than her or not … 🙂

  5. winnieleung

    TW: 生活水平可以維持到差不多當然great 啦!我估我聽過比較難搞是那些生活水平差太遠,然後另一方會覺得很吃力/自卑 whatever,還要覺得個女的 expenses 很可怕。

  6. winnieleung

    Ar fei: 跟男人女人無mud 關係。跟你是個點樣的人有關係多D囉!你問我啊?答案在你那裡。

  7. deedee

    Winnie, I struggle with that ‘marry up’ question myself also.

    Ar Fei, depends on your motivation to 兌現承諾, if it is only as a sense of obligation to others, and you do not enjoy the process, it is one-way energy expense, then of course you will not find new 兌現的力量. I feel sorry to see people who spend their life time fulfilling obligation to others, and lost themselves through the process…In my humble opinion, you are the only person who knows why you have to 兌現承諾, whatever the reason, you must feel good doing it, do not do it just for the sake of 承諾.

  8. TW

    Ar Fei, 作為女人,我只在乎一個承諾,就是 the wedding vow, “I, take you to be my wife/husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part. ”
    只要個大家有這樣的心,就知道應怎樣做,其他一些物質上的承諾,只是形式。

  9. Ar fei

    Thankyou Everyone ~

    TW : 作為男人, 至現時為止, to love and to cherish並不是我自己能夠控制的, 我想她們來自另一半, 這樣來說, 對方的承諾會不會實現, 其實取決於自己嗎 ??

    至於 :
    better or for worse
    for richer or for poorer
    in sickness and in health
    她們都可以在一些好人身上找得到呢 ~ 她們又在我和在座閣下身上找到多少呢 ??
    我知道我要的女人不止於此

    deedee : yes i’m not enjoy the process , 不過應承左 , 就要做到為止 (我這樣想正確嗎??)
    but the big big problem is : 好多時我自己都唔知自己做緊咩 , 當我遇到這問題時 , 我現在再想想 , 我是沒有勇氣或膽量去做改變 — 回想以前 , 真的有段時間是天不怕地不怕的 , 我怕什麼!!!
    In my humble opinion , You are quite wisdom ^^”

    winnieleung : 我沒怎麼想過現在的我, 是個怎樣的人 , 要找到答案 , 就要鑽進更深入 , 更深入的我之中 .
    本書對現在的我不太用得着 , 所以Feedback唔比你住喇(奸笑) , 我要搞掂內在先 , 表現出來的 , 我和身邊的人都接受 .

    Thankyou for helping me think ~


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